So much for a sabatical

This is just going to be a quick post. I tried to quit the net. I tried very hard but I couldn't. It's like an addiction. I'm actually quite worried about it. Oh well, at least I cut down a bit... a little bit.

currently working on a new profile photo, sick of current one.

creativity leading to distraction

I've been very creative lately. I've gotten big into solving problems, drawing, writing and making games. The problem is all pistons are firing in my mind at the moment and I want to start any and every project. I can't though, because I've a tonne of studying to be getting done and I'm not doing any!!

I cant seem to make myself study for the life of me. I don't know what to do but I'm going to figure it out.

The reasons I don't study are:
-I'm too tired/don't have the energy
-I'll just be on the computer for 5 min
-I just want to watch a little tv
-I'm cold/hungry/uncomfertable


Things that help people study are
-complex carb energy, slow released instead of hyper sugar rush
-being active, getting fresh air and exercise
-meditation, mind clearing exercises
-brain exercise, puzzles
-having clear goals and trying to achieve them in a logical manor
-an understanding of what is required to be known

Basically I need to ditch the computer, start exercising and eating healthy regular meals, getting more sleep and doing regular meditation and brain exercise.

I think I'll take a week off from computers. Starting tomorrow I won't use a computer for anything except college work. I won't use the internet except to check my college email and I will be in bed from 10 o clock so I'm well rested. I'll get up early and go for a before college swim and loads of stuff like that...

might happen.

It's two o clock in the morning and my mind is racing as usual. I'm going to sneak out and go for a walk to clear my head and then it's back to bed...

God help me get through these exams!!

I guess I can give myself 15 min to blog each day so as to keep a record of this. Monday to Monday starting tomorrow night... Probably no TV either. Welcome to hell

Games games games

Siren Blood Curse came in the post today... well yesterday but I tried it today for the first time. It's great. Ugly, but very intense. I enjoy it quite a bit.

I picked up Daxter for the PSP today which is also great though it is rather different.

Finally I noticed that I got invited into another closed beta. My fourth invite, third play. Before now I got an invite to the soccom beta (which I never played) and the LittleBigPlanet and Home betas, both of which I did play. Well the hat trick just became a double brace as I logged on to the Free Realms servers today. (Yep, another Sony game but this time the beta is the PC version). As always I'm not allowed to say much but you do get most of the gist from the numerous trailers that are out for the MMO.

I'm still trying to develop my drawing skills back to the levels they used to be. I'm thinking that I will practice by making an assassin's creed parody. there is just so much to make fun of.

I'm also sick of the B&W photo below. when it's thumbnailed the effect is completely lost and I just look like a MySpace poser. It's not a good luck.

It's half three in the morning but all I want to do is go story board on my PC...

black and blue

Well it's the weekend, Easter Sunday tomorrow, and I will be spending it being as awesome as anything by doing biology assignments all day...

I made a new picture out of boredom today. I'm very pleased with the results. I was torn between yellow and blue eyes. The yellow ones were creepy but I think the blue makes the photo seem a bit sad and distant. It's not exactly award winning but I like the composition.

I'm still sick but am getting better I think. I should be better for college on Tuesday.

I downloaded the newest edition of Cray's third person template for the blender game engine and it's amazing! He has implemented hanging states and swimming (two features I requested but know were widely desired) and has re-organized the whole layout to use the Yo! Frankie method of level design. Through his tips I have finally learned to use groups.

I also made a creepy looking enemy for Gloomy Sunday, a horror game I'm working on in blender. It's inspired by the bad guys of Silent Hill.

I really want to get around to vloging but I just never seem to find the time to start. Who knows, tomorrow is another day.

Swimming Superficiallity Sickness

I got back into the pool for half an hour the other day. It was quite good but I did manage to tire myself. I enjoy swimming and am looking forward to getting into better shape but I have to say that the process isn't going to be the most pleasant.

When I arrived at the pool I noticed this guy wandering too the poolside shower. He was in perfect shape, the kind of physical condition that people are airbrushed to look like. So I go on ahead and hop into the pool and do a few lengths and then take a break at which point I notice this chap is still at the shower flexing and showing off to the water. I go back into the water and go again and then on my second break I look across and notice that he's managed to get dressed... well at leased he's swapped his trunks for jeans. He's now out of the changing cubicle toweling himself off at the pool side.

It's a bit awkward being a skinny pale guy at the pool just trying to get into better shape when there are chaps like that showing off and basically making us feel less. I know it's silly but men feel the pressure to look good from the media too and I've got a feeling that trying to achieve this goal is going to be a process that embarrasses me on more than one occasion. I think that all people are at times uncomfortable with their appearance at times and it's only natural given the stereotypic "perfect" imagery that we are presented with on a daily basis.

I guess the quest to better yourself is a tough one that isn't made easier by people that have already achieved those goals. I'm going to stick it out and not let people in better shape or better looking intimidate me.


In other news, I was in the doctors today. I've had a cough for ages and thought it might be a chest infection. Fortunately its just a virus but it's still not pleasant. I'm on the paracetamol and bed rest until I'm all better

I've found my car

I've never been one of those "driving" people. I take the bus, I use the dart and if necessary I get a lift. That said the smart car always appealed to me. Well not anymore!

The Airpod is the car for me. It's cool looking, runs on compressed air, weighs 500kg and has captured my heart. This three seater has the driver's seat up front and the two passenger seats facing out the back. It's controlled by a joystick instead of a wheel and you don't even need a license to drive it (in France anyway).

The car or "transporter" since it's technically not a car will cost about 6000 euro and is becoming available at the end of the year. I have absolutely no need or desire to get a car at the moment but I still want it. I want it bad.


In other news I found out about google reader which lets me streamline my web browsing into one constantly refreshing window. The problem is that because I have so many sites linked into it that it updates every minuet. This I will solve by cutting a few subscriptions. I think i's handy because it organizes everything I want to keep track of in one place. The only problem is that it's kind of ugly. I'd like to reskin it...

the quest to become a nice guy

I have mentioned before my desire to become a nicer, kinder person. I also would like to have a more positive outlook on life in general. I used to be quite a bit nicer and I think that the lecture I had in behavioral sciences today can help explain what changed and how to change things back.

The brain is scalable. Since brain matter is so costly to an organism the animal can choose to reduce the size of the brain physically when it's not in use. However we relearn faster and the brain will return to it's previous state rapidly if stimulated correctly. The thing I need to do to return my brain to the happier Rory of yesteryear is to look at the stimuli that I was receiving and try to repeat and possibly even intensify the stimulation.

Back when I was younger I drew, studied, read, watched TV, played games, played music and exercised much more than I do now. These are a range of cognitive activities that developed my brain in various directions.

Now days I rarely draw, study, read or play music and the exercise I take part in is sporadic, unstructured and highly irregular. What I need to do to develop my mind is to return to a situation where I perform these tasks. It seems from here that I don't have enough hours to do all these things but that is because the things I do to spend my time at the moment expand to fill the time. I watch far too much TV, play games for extended periods of time and waste hours every night online and on the computer. I need a schedule and I need to work to it. I'm not sure if a simple daily diary would be enough to make me stick to the tasks but its worth a shot. Tomorrow I will buy a pocket notebook and fill it out for the next week in order to test the theory. I will have to use trial and error to figure out the best way to schedule all these tasks and still live in a way that can cope with reality and the risk of plans falling through. I will have to donate evenings to reading, drawing and playing either guitar or keyboard as well as taking up a regular and realistic exercise regimen. I also need to factor in study, lectures and socializing to prevent myself going in the wrong direction. I feel that the wasted hours of breaks I have in college are the key to this. Perhaps I could even bring art supplies or instruments as well as books to college so I can use the hours for things other than study and exercise.

Well I'm rambling now and its rather late so I'm going to sleep. Got a big day ahead of me tomorrow, I'm changing my life (hopefully!)

So its four months on and what have I done?

Well, as unfortunate and surprising as it is its four months on and I have kept not one of my resolutions. That is not to say that things haven't changed.

I didn't manage to bother myself studying for schols exams in school which means that I am going to have to brave the end of year exams with no exemptions. Exemptions are not announced until Friday but I think it's a safe bet to say I'll be sitting all the papers in all three of my subjects. What does that mean for me? Well it means that its about damn time I started going to the library and working for these exams. Tomorrow I will be hitting up the PCs in college to print exam papers so I can use them that evening as a study aid. I only hope I find the strength to do it. Apparently it takes about 36 days for a study pattern to become comfortable which means that I'm two weeks too late to begin working. Despite the research saying I'm destined for failure I have to push myself and hope I manage to achieve what I want from this.

I haven't picked up guitar again, started taking care of my skin or vloging as of yet but, again tomorrow, things are going to be different. I do have a new video camera that I can use to vlog. Its a nice one and I put a lot of thought into choosing it. I was very happy with my purchase.

I'm not taking up guitar again until after the exams but I do plan on getting back into drawing and painting. I also have to start doing the whole face care thing because I'm starting to look old.

Now up until now it seems like things are basically the same but there are a few changes to how I look and act. I am working hard at becoming a nicer, more positive person and feel like I'm making ground. I'm not back to the kind happy person I used to be but I'm working my way there. I feel like rediscovering art, hard work and exercise may help me achieve this.

Since my last post I have cut my hair and even done an honest days work! I was an extra in a photo shoot that was done to stage an album for a movie. I enjoyed the experience very much and hope I will have the opportunity for more extra work in the future.

As I said I have my camera now and I am going to use it to start vloging. It's been a bit of a mental block for me, getting into vloging. I'm afraid of what my friends will say when they find out. I mean it is just attention seeking really but it's also a desire to entertain and provoke thought. I hope when I get started in this that I don't end up coming off like a wanabe. I like to think people will be able to see a genuine side to me.